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DEAR ABBY:<\/b> I have been married 50 years and recently remembered that my husband cheated on me with several different women. He admitted to one affair but swears he saw her only twice and they had sex only once. He says I\u2019m imagining the other two. He hasn\u2019t apologized for the one he admitted to and refuses to discuss it or the other two, though I can see them in my mind\u2019s eye and feel it in my gut.<\/p>\n
At this point, I\u2019m more angry about his lying than I am about something that happened decades ago. Am I wrong to want the truth so I can get angry, deal with it and then forgive him? I also want a heartfelt apology. \u2014 HEARTSICK IN TEXAS<\/i><\/p>\n
DEAR HEARTSICK:<\/b> You do not need \u201cthe truth\u201d so you can get angry. You are ALREADY as mad as heck. What you want is an apology from your cheating husband, and you aren\u2019t going to get it. Discussing this with a licensed marriage and family therapist may help you dissipate some of your anger and move on.<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY:<\/b> Two of my mom\u2019s best friends ended their friendship with her after almost 50 years because of political differences. I grew up spending every holiday with these ladies and their families, in addition to summer lake and winter ski vacations and everything in between.<\/p>\n
One of them is my godmother, and they both were like second moms to me. Can it be that simple to act as if they were never friends in the first place? Must Mom just accept the change, or can she try to repair the friendships? \u2014 SAD SON IN CALIFORNIA<\/i><\/p>\n
DEAR SON:<\/b> When political differences run so deep that close friendships are destroyed, I am sorry to say they are often not salvageable. I am not sure that time can heal the rift when someone is so entrenched in their political beliefs that they would jettison a 50-year friendship. Suggest to your mom that rather than look backward, she may try to cultivate friends who are less contentious.<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY:<\/b> I am a 75-year-old therapist who was virtually a single parent. I still struggle with the guilt that I didn\u2019t do a good enough job with my three grown children, despite my trying with what energy and resources I continue to have. Their father has been pretty much absent since our divorce 35 years ago.<\/p>\n
How can I get rid of the feeling that I am disrespected by my ungrateful adult children, and how do I stop trying to compensate them for their missing parent? There is minimal chance that they will change their attitude or beliefs at this point. \u2014 STRUGGLING IN NEW JERSEY<\/i><\/p>\n
DEAR STRUGGLING:<\/b> Thank you for asking. By now you must have realized that you can\u2019t buy love. As a psychotherapist, surely you are aware that therapists have therapists of their own (and many need this support). Because you are in pain over something you can\u2019t change by yourself, recognize that it\u2019s time to become proactive on your own behalf and consult one.<\/p>\n
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/i><\/p>\n
Good advice for everyone \u2014 teens to seniors \u2014 is in \u201cThe Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.\u201d To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n