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DEAR ABBY:<\/b> I was diagnosed with colon cancer five years ago. After two surgeries and three hospital stays, I recovered. The experience made me realize at 62 that it was time to downsize. I moved my husband and myself into a smaller, one-story home in a lovely retirement community.<\/p>\n
I have now been diagnosed with incurable metastatic cancer. I\u2019m being treated to prolong my life. The treatment is hard and is taking its toll. I am having a hard time preparing my husband for when I\u2019m gone. I think I\u2019ve taken the necessary steps. I want him to be prepared, but he doesn\u2019t seem to want to prepare. We have been married for 45 years. I have briefed our daughter on where the important paperwork and legal documents are, but I want him to take the lead. How can I get him to participate? \u2014 PREPARING IN NEVADA<\/i><\/p>\n
DEAR PREPARING:<\/b> There is no way you can FORCE your husband to take the lead on this. He may be so emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of losing you (after 45 years!) that he\u2019s in denial or unable to think beyond the inevitable. Be sure your daughter knows all of your wishes to be carried out before and after your demise, because she may need to step up. And forgive your husband. He will have to get through your loss in whatever way is natural for him.<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY:<\/b> A friend of mine, \u201cJake,\u201d is going to be a groomsman in his friend\u2019s wedding. They\u2019ve been friends since childhood and have been through a lot together. Jake has been in a serious relationship for more than six months, but his friend\u2019s bride has informed him that he won\u2019t be getting a plus-one invitation for the wedding. Her reason is that only people who were in relationships before they got engaged are invited to the wedding.<\/p>\n
Jake and his girlfriend feel very insulted by this. He has spoken to the groom and explained their point of view, but the bride won\u2019t budge on her decision. In my opinion, wedding guests are always offered a plus-one when invited \u2014 especially a groomsman! Jake feels awful knowing he\u2019ll be celebrating his friend that night while his girlfriend is at home alone. What are your thoughts? \u2014 FAIR IS FAIR IN CANADA<\/i><\/p>\n
DEAR FAIR:<\/b> While it isn\u2019t cast in granite that wedding invitations must be issued with a plus-one, it certainly is the considerate thing to do. Guests should be made to feel as comfortable as possible. The same goes for members of the wedding party.<\/p>\n
Being asked to be a groomsman doesn\u2019t mean agreement is compulsory. My thought is that under these circumstances, Jake might prefer to inform his friend he needs to find another groomsman and politely decline the invitation to attend the wedding and to be part of the wedding party.<\/p>\n
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/i><\/p>\n
To order \u201cHow to Write Letters for All Occasions,\u201d send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby \u2014 Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n